I don’t see the family as a amalgam of individuals. I see it as a cast in a play. Each family member has his of her role and together – through the respective roles – they tell a story: the family story.
It is tacitly agreed that each family member is obligated to fulfill the requirements of his of her role. To do the contrary will not only destabilise the family narrative but cast into doubt the legitimacy of the other roles as well. The more authoritarian the family, the more rigid the roles – and the more severe the punishments for disobeying the requirements of the roles.
(The punishment of Hungary, the ‘all-goes’ behaviour of father Juncker.)
Most families are liberal, based on human values that come from a point of respect towards all members, including the smallest and youngest members. These families have my admiration and, I admit, envy.
(The EU during their honeymoon I guess)
In the authoritarian family children are supporting characters. An act of rebellion against the principal players, who consider themselves kings of the family (although dictators is a better word) is met with appropriate measures. In exceptional cases a subordinate member of the family does the unthinkable, and abandons the family.
This is the ultimate form of treason and mutiny, not just through the eyes of the family but society as a whole. It is a sin as unpardonable as that of the apostate. It makes sense that fundamentalist religions kill their apostates. Because their power depends on the unconditional faith and obedience of its followers.
The family member that leaves, is like the actor who abandons the performance during intermission. The actor leaves the rest of the cast in the lurch – suddenly acting with a hole in a script that doesn’t make sense anymore. The audience feels cheated. They came, expecting a recognisable and logical story, with a certain predictability but in it’s place they got chaos. Fear of anarchy arises. Shit might hit the fan.
(The EU make sure leaving with dignity becomes impossible)
At their turn, the power structures of this world – (EU) governments and large cooperations have only attained their almost absolute power with our permission. Wether it be tacit or overt.
Such easily gained cooperation of the masses can only be obtained due to a multitude of broken individuals that don’t dare to question, to reclaim their autonomy. Individuals that deep down don’t believe they deserve more then they have. Because that is how broken people think. They don’t ask for better, because they don’t believe they deserve any better.
But who broke them in the first place?
The audience is like society – it needs an ordered script, with the roles of individuals that make up the collective wether it be the family or a larger entity. If everyone began to question their roles, then not only the family will change but society would cease to function.
(The EU attacks ‘fake news’ (everything that contradicts the narrative) through censorship in order to stop questions from being asked)
Society values the efficacy of the production, not the well-being of the individual cast members. This can be seen in the blaming of victims of mental abuse, as well as the “therapists” who further try to shame and marginalise scapegoats who take the brave step of going no-contact with their ‘nice to outside world’-abusers.
(Nationalists, east-Germans are ‘dumb, hateful people’, Hungary is a dictatorship, Brexiteers ‘traitors’ and leaders ‘order- and peace loving’ individuals)
Mindgames, passive aggression, smear campaigns and the recruitment of other family members against scapegoats is typical for an authoritarian family. To the outside world the story will make sense again. The ‘crazy ones’ have left the building, unity has been restored – or so it seems.
It all made me see the truth clearly: in the theater of the family – the Authoritarian Family – the script is written in stone. It will never change, only the roles will occasionally shift. It may end up destroying the actors, and it probably will, but the script, like in the dystopian novel 1984, is all powerful. The script is what matters, not the family members.
The script is so powerful that most members don’t even know it exists. They don’t know why they are unhappy or ill. The script can not be rewritten, it does not permit revisions.
Everyone has a seat somewhere in the Theater of the Authoritiarian Family. In Europe, most of us live in nation states that are no longer acknowledged as individual states by the EU. Hungary for example has been punished for being ‘undemocratic’, meaning: for being an apostate and a traitor to the authoritarian script.
The EU only has the interest of the EU itself at heart, it’s survival depends on the roles and obedience of the member states. Scapegoats must be smeared and used as a warning for other ‘individuals’, rewards for compliance given and (self) censorship established to prevent us seeing the emperors new clothes. This is necessary, because after all, the Authoritarian Family has no power in and of itself.
The analogy between small and large families en governments is striking, and tangible. The EU will end up destroying all the actors if we don’t wake up to the all powerful script – and start feeling powerful again as individuals.
This piece was inspired by a Youtube video by ‘Escape from Narcissism’.
Author. Academic. Mother of boys. Thought junkie, creating free speech, connecting. To keep the fire going please donate to this platform! (see: page ‘contact/donate’ above or: https://www.patreon.com/sietskebergsma)